Why can’t I show empathy or sadness?

It’s something that’s always perplexed me about the world. Men can’t show sad emotions. It’s like they’re not allowed. They’re meant to be strong and unfazed in hardship. It’s something they instil in you when you’re young. Girls can cry but when a boy does he’s weak. They’ll laugh and mock you. Everyone reacts bad when a man cries.

I’ve always been a deeply emotional person in private and on the inside. I cry often, sometimes at the smallest of triggers. Very few people have ever seen that side of me. Two to be exact. To the rest, I’m the coldest f****r there is.

I’ve made a persona. A facade that’s fooled everyone. Hamza, the cold b*****d that doesn’t care about anything or anyone. Nothing in this world deserves a visible emotional response. “F**k the world and all its people and you won’t get f****d”- That’s my motto.

Emotions are weaknesses. People will use them against me. It’s an irrational fear but I can’t seem to change. I don’t know why I built this wall but it seems impossible to tear down. Even with all the changes that have gone on in my life, this barrier remains.

Who is the real Hamza? The sad, weak little boy? Or the heartless prick without a care in the world? I don’t know. I haven’t known for years…

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